Imperfections

I'm yelling because my child is yelling about me yelling at his flaky dad. Two hours and seventeen minutes I waited for that man to come take a turn at parenting. After many phone calls and frustrated texts, I gave up and headed home. Then, like a cruel joke, my ringtone interrupts my grumpy grumbles as I am nearing my destination. As I suspected, the voice of my dark mood came into my ear with a mock innocence. "Why did you call so many times? Are you bringing the boy? What is wrong with you? When will you calm down? You are the one who called me. You know my car is broken." With patience gone, the yelling begins. First, I yell at my ex, and then my kid yells at me and I yell at him in return. Crying follows. I know my son is disappointed that his dad did not come for him. That leads to him saying hurtful things to me "I only love Daddy and not you! You are a mean mommy! Don't yell at my dad!" I put up a wall and try not to hear it or feel. I pump up the music to scare my tears away until my driving ability is next to nothing. I pull over with tears and anger swelling. "Get out of my car!" I shout as I pull the car to a halt. Though my heart doesn't mean it, my frustration brakes out. I reach for my son and pull him to my lap on the side of the road. I cry and I cry only to be drowned out by the tears of my boy. We hold each other in an understanding embrace. "I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I still love you," I reply. "I know," his eyes say.