Single, not alone

"I chose the right mommy. Can we talk about the mommy shop and daddy shop and boy shop? I went to the mommy shop and looked at your face and said, ‘you have my mommy's face’ and so I picked you. Then I picked daddy and then you and daddy picked me and Jesus said 'You have parents!! You have parents!!!!' And then he said 'That's right. while doing a cool, gun pointing gesture. - AJ age 4 I stand hopeful, my smile frozen in place on my face to hide my nerves. Children swarm up the isles of the store. The mommy next to me tries to make some idle chatter about how she will be chosen by the best children ever. I nod while thinking the same thing about my children. I wait. I see two beautifully dressed children walk right up to me. They have golden hair with deep blue eyes. One is a girl, the other, an older boy. The girl reaches out and takes my hand. She is gentle. My once forced smile becomes genuine. “Pick me,” I think. “Oh please pick me!” The older boy...

Today is the day. I have time. I have energy. I have desire. This whole house will be spotless! With tunes blasting, I start strong. First, I begin with the messiest task, my bedroom. The scattered toys are the first to go. “Where did all these toys come from?” I ask my son as I consider making the garbage can the final resting place for the toys. Suddenly, a rare surge of motivation helps me jump to action when an idea comes to my mind. “Fetch me paper, sissies, tape, and a marker please.” I instruct my son. Curious, he races to obey. “What ya doing mommy?” My boy asks as he hands me the objects I asked for. “I'm making labels so you can know where to put your toys,” I reply. I begin my task. Art drawer... labeled! Costume drawer... done! Puzzles, sensory toys, games, projects, Legos, blocks, junk drawer, penny drawer, drawer that holds NOTHING! All the drawers are labeled perfectly. I feel successful as we sort all the toys into the correct bins. My dear son has to examine and pl...

Relationships were not meant to stand still. Relationships are made to help us become stronger. Some people are put in our path to break our heart so we can learn how to heal and forgive. Some people drop in and drop out in a blink of an eye, right when we need them. Some relationships are roller coasters but they are worth the ride. However, some relationships change until they are unrecognizable. Relationships are constantly shifting, but that is because people are changing. For instance, I am no longer that naive little girl who fell in love with the man with smooth words. I'm not the girl who throws things and yells when I don't get my way. I'm broken, but I have been duct taped back together thanks to the people who never gave up on me. Now I'm stronger than ever. Relationships that I thought were strong are so much stronger now because I am stronger. Why does God put certain people in our lives? Why did God give me the weaknesses that I have that makes relationsh...

“Gabe! I want to see Gabe. Can we go to Gabe's house? I love Gabe.” My son has a one track mind. He has been talking about his cousin for the last hour and a half. “Soon,” I respond patiently for the fifteenth time. “When is soon?” My boy asks me. I roll my eyes and ignore the question. I've already told him we would go after breakfast several times. Finally, it is time to go. We drive across town to my sister's house. Gabe's face peers out the window. He sees my son and jumps from excitement. My son hurries to Gabe's mom who is opening the door for us. Time slows down as the two cousins dramatically rush to each other's arms. “I love you Gabe!” My son declares “I love you Gugus!” Gabe responds. They disappear into the playroom room together, laughing hysterically. My sister and I are content now that our boys are happy. We head to the living room to begin a project. With yarn and hooks out, we begin the complicated process of making scarves. “Arrrrrg! Stop ...

“No, you cannot have ice cream.” I tell my son sternly. “Please?!!!” he asks again for the tenth time. “N.O. spells no.” I reply in a singsong voice. “N.O. spells YES!” My child throws back at me. Amused, I smile and assure him that when I say, ”No,” I mean it. His face shows rejection as he says, "Mommy, you hurt me." I reply “Oh really? Where?” thinking for a second, he points to his head and says, "You hurt my brain." Folding his arms in defiance, tears start streaming down his face. “I decided that you are not my mom anymore!” he declares harshly. Before I can stop it, a small “Fttttts” sounds bursts from my mouth. It's the sound I make when I know I shouldn't laugh because his feelings are valid, but, he is so incredibly cute being mad that I just cannot hold my laugh inside. His face contorts into, what he thinks, is a face of pure intimidation. “Well, well, well….well, you are so mean!” He shouts and stomps away. I know his anger will not be cute wh...

It's quiet, too quiet, I think to myself. My heart sinks to the bottom of my belly. A disaster is occurring in the room at the end of the hall. I don't know how I know it, I just do. I bound from the table and race to my bedroom. Swinging the door open, I see…. nothing. No mess, no broken jewelry, no stacked chairs and, no children. Oh, whew! Wait! WHERE ARE THE BOYS?!!! I panic. My son and his cousin were playing here two minutes ago. They could not have gotten far. I race through the house. I check harmful places first. Front yard? Nope, road? Thank goodness, no. I check the oven, the dryer, the balcony; no, no, and no. I pause to clear my worried mind. There is one place I hardly dare to picture them infiltrating. Perhaps, it is the most dangerous place in the whole house. My parent's room. Even when I was a child, I knew the wrath of my parents would be upon anyone who dared to enter their territory. I crack their door open one centimeter at a time, hardly breathing. T...